I am becoming more aware everyday of how important it is to not speak at number 10. This started when I was in Europe a couple of years ago with friends. We were sitting in an outdoor cafe and one friend is particularly loud, and I felt very self-conscious about our group as being tagged as the loud and vulgar Americans.
Volume is important, both vocally and visually. Whenever I receive an email that is written in all capital letters it feels like someone is screaming at me. I grew up in a family that was very loud and thought nothing of breaking the sound barrier to get their points across. If I were dating now, I would be very turned-off by someone who was not able to modulate their tone and volume. Of course, I am hard-wired for this tendency and have to monitor myself carefully to make sure that I don’t come off as a shrill and snarling bitch whenever I get impatient and frustrated (which is often). I have a friend who has the opposite impulse: the angrier she gets the quieter her she becomes. Over time, I have come to really ppreciate people who are able to be present; who don’t speak loudly or excessively.
I am a fan of the grounded whisper and softly expressed bullet points. So be courteous and remember that we don’t have to loudly express every single thought that wafts across our brains.